Nitty~Gritty

random thoughts about my life

I've heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. If that's the definition, then I'm definately insane. Today I cried. It felt cleansing. I was on the phone, crying. My eyes felt puffy so I walked to the mirror. It's weird to see yourself cry. I was apologizing to the person on the other end while looking at myself. Apoligizing to myself at the same time I guess. It was sureal though, like I was looking at a stranger. The other person was assuring me all was forgiven but I couldn't let it go... how I had hurt them, how I had hurt myself. I have this beautiful pair of red shoes that I adore. I'm not a shoe person but any smart woman would know this pair rocked. The problem is that everytime I wear them, I get a horrible blister on my heel. When I get dressed, I look at them wanting to pull them out, thinking this time will be different. Maybe I've broken them in. Maybe this time no pain would come from feeling good in them. No, it's always the same. It feels good for awhile but eventually, I start walking differenty from the pain. From the blister. I don't know why I can't just bring myself to throw them away. The curiosity? The thought of the fun I can have while wearing them maybe? I tend to make decisions without thinking. As long as it works for me. As long as it makes me feel good. I don't think long term. I live in the moment but it's not the responsible thing to do. I dabble in both ponds, a toe in each. A crocodile could come along any moment, and I know that. It's just that I like sitting there, telling people, "see, there'a no way I can get bitten. I'm too fast," but I know I can't be faster than the crocodile. They know that but they put up with me, standing two feet behind, cringing while they watch. One day I'll learn. I just hope it's not through loosing a limb but becoming wiser.

posted by: hookemup at 12:44 | link | comments (8) |

Comments:

#1  20 February 2004 - 14:27

 

cheer up. as long as you're not wearing the red shoes that give you blisters, I'm sure you can outrun any ole crocodile.

:)

hope you're staying on top of things.

mictlantecuhtli

#2  20 February 2004 - 21:14

 

you could always put band-aid on the area where it blisters, that's what i do.

eunmi

#3  20 February 2004 - 21:14

 

story of my feet's life. all shoes, and i mean all shoes hurt my feet.

you could always put band-aid on the area where it blisters, that's what i do.

eunmi

#4  21 February 2004 - 01:38

 

I just read it from techie's blog .. beauty comes with a price. It think the same applies on your red shoes... :) but then again, you can always shop for a better one.. a pair that won't give you blisters..

harriene79

#5  21 February 2004 - 07:44

 

metaphors....lovely things. they help us to process our emotions rationally.

the key, i think, is knowing that it's ok to wear the shoes - now and then - for a short time; but to pay attention to when the familiar ache begins.....before the blisters form.

then, it's time to put them back in the box for another day.....

Mo'nonymous

#6  21 February 2004 - 08:51

 

What is it about red shoes? I also have a pair..even though my feet hurt so bad everytime I wear them, I still love them. It is as if those red shoes have power over me and forces me to wear them sometimes.

denimfairy

#7  22 February 2004 - 08:00

 

We have this weird shoe-belief in our country that when a a pair of shoes is new, you got to bite the heel so it wouldn't give you blisters. It doesn't have to be a hard bite, but your really got to sink your teeth for a couple of centimeters. It's really weird but a lot of people swear that it works. :)

TechieIdiot

#8  22 February 2004 - 21:43

 

this is the first time i heard of this biting the heel practice.

eunmi

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