Nitty~Gritty

random thoughts about my life

I'm a little off today. I got up later. I did things like showering, straightening up, returning phone calls, a little out of my usual routine which somehow seems to have thrown my entire day a little to the left. I get in the car, adjust the mirror to make sure someones buckled up tight and notice my lack of makeup. I totally forgot because it was out of sequence. I wear makeup to feel pretty. Sometimes I don't wear makeup to feel natural. Today I did not want to feel natural though. I think about the things I do and the reasons I do them. I call my parents to catch up. I moved away to escape the drama. I workout to feel thin. I bake cookies to feel like a mom. I go out with the girls to feel a little less like a mom. I eat some watermellon to feel healthy. I fuck to feel like a whore. I label things to feel organized. I email to connect. I read to disconnect. I wonder if I'm only fooling myself. Do I even know the real me? Or am I just fooling myself and others by the things that I do? It may seem like an internal conflict but I don't feel conflicted at all. Do these things just make me feel normal? Better than? Or do I do them to feel equal? Maybe I can take a a nap and start all over again.

posted by: hookemup at 13:16 | link | comments (3) |

#1  19 February 2004 - 22:32

 

push and pull.
dizzy spin.
ecstatic and.
alive.

BanzaiDescent

#2  20 February 2004 - 04:09

 

naps are always a good thing

icedish

#3  20 February 2004 - 04:10

 

oh yeah, 80 degrees? you are indeed killing me, but in a good way

icedish

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