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I want to snap my fingers and have the cabana boy bring me a fruity drink with a pink umbrella. I want him to untie my top while he rubs oily lotion all over that smells like coconuts. I want to go skinny-dipping under the moon and then run into the room and make love under white Egyptian cotton sheets. I want him to have a shaved head, a nipple ring, a goatee, and a tattoo on his back. I want to wake up with an evil grin on my face while thinking about last night. I want to wake up disappointed because he's not lying next to me. I want to put on my silk purple robe and follow the smell of expensive coffee only to discover he's in the kitchen making me French toast and bacon. I want him to pull me close, tell me I look beautiful in the morning and ask me what my name is.
I logged on while hooking up the camera. The pics from last night instantly pop up. We look much more in love on the computer than the little camera window that shows the pictures you just took. I scroll down to the one with us kissing. Eyes wide open, looking at the camera. It's rather hard to smile and kiss at the same time but we're capable. I go to "save as" and type last nights love fest. I email it to cute hubby as a joke. I promised him the pictures would be erased but I'm not done admiring them. He was lying in bed last night when I came home from the gym. I straddled him while we talked. He was grumpy from work. "Do you know how silly you look when you pout?" I spot the camera and take a picture just to show him. "See?" He doesn't look but glares at me. I'm not in the mood to listen to his cases so I try to change the subject. "Take a shower" he says. "No, I want to play first." I lay next to him with arms extended holding the camera. I kiss his cheek while the flash goes off. "Lets take a picture of us kissing." "No" I press him for more. "Come on, the only picture of us kissing is our wedding day." "I know, remember how you slipped me the tounge, you dirty girl?" I giggle remembering with delight. He gives in so I get brave and take off my top. We act sexy and pose for the camera. "Have you ever thought about video taping us?" "Ya, but we don't own a video camera" "Oh ya." He starts to touch me but I'm not comfortable because I feel sticky and sweaty. I shower and we debate about going to bed. Afterwards, I see him grab the camera trying to erase our time together. I take it from him and distract him with a spank. We make love quietly and drift to sleep. He tries to keep me awake by talking but I'm not able to keep my eyes open. "You don't need to make my lunch tomorrow" he says. "Honey, I can't keep my eyes open. Can we talk more in the morning?" I hurt his feelings but when the alarm goes off, we pick up where we left off.
On Friday, abnormally large breasted friend and I went on a three mile walk with kids in tow. We're having a great time catching up and chatting about things most people wouldn't dare talk about in public. Anyway, she has this little dog that I often find annoying so I usually give it the cold shoulder when I see it. Normally I would pet it while participating in some sort of baby talk but this one doesn't deserve it. We're almost finished when I spot a much needed water fountain. Public drinking facilities usually scare me but when you're thirsty you overlook these things. Ok, so it's in my site. I'm focusing on the reward of a brisk walk. She sees it as well and also mentions the joy it will soon bring us. All of a sudden, she lifts up that yappy little dog so it can take a drink first. Oh my God, it was french kissing the fountain. It's fierce tounge was going at it. It wasn't licking the water but the actual silver part the water comes out of...the spout, thus infecting every bit of water that came out of it with doggy germs. That same tounge that I'm sure has pleasured itself at some time was now pleasuring the spout. I stand there wide eyed in horror. My water....Abnormally large breasted friend then leans in and drinks from the infected fountain. Afterwards, she stands back allowing me to move in to enjoy the water as well, but I just stand there thinking she's probally not the only one who's done this. I smile, lean in, and fake drink. The water was running while I'm just millimeters from it pretending to take a sip. I was horrified. Now, I'm all for "pets are part of the family" but it's extreme when you let them eat from your mouth and put them in Christmas sweaters. I lost all respect for her and had a hard time taking her seriously after that. She continutes our chat but my mind wonders. I began to replay the last time I was at her house. She offered me bottled water but when I started to open it, I realized the seal was already broken. I figured she washes them, fills them, and then puts them back in the fridge for later use. I'm ok with this so I sit back and enjoy it. Then I witness it. She finishes hers and fills it up at the tap and then puts it back in the fridge. Why didn't she wash it? Oh my God, she doesn't wash them. I began thinking about how unattractive I find her husband and how I never wanted to kiss him but somehow I feel violated hoping he wasn't the last one who drank out of the bottle. Or worse, maybe the dog was the last one to enjoy the bottle. I was willing to overlook the water bottle incident because I didn't get violently ill but I've seen enough. No more water activities with her. I'm drawing the line.
I tiptoe into the garage to put away the percolator that belongs in the camping gear. It's freshly washed and so am I. I'm tiptoeing to keep from getting my feet dirty again. I just washed the weekend off. The smell of a campfire, the dirt from hiking and biking. It all went down the drain but when I looked in the mirror, I notice the sun left her mark again. Damn her. She started torturing us the minute we got there. I put up the tent while she make my temples cry. I cursed her and wonder how we can escape. I started tying the tent cover between two trees to make a barrier between us but she takes a peek at my neck from behind. I curse her and move my chair. We put on sunscreen and hats because we're afraid of her. On our hike, I notice horses have gone before us. Returning, I see where we've been just minutes before. Afterwards, we lay in the tent to hide and relax. I pray that the sun finishes her daily chore and gives us our evening. I set up the stove and prepare our meal before she does. We laugh and play our insturments. We get filthy and tired. Alas, she's gone but I instantly wonder where she's put the day. The night slowly joins us so we prepare. Sweatshirts, flashlights, water, and books begin filling the tent. We look up at the stars and play with our flashlights. Spirited toddler has his little light shining in our ears and mouth pretending to be a doctor. Settling down slowly. They fall asleep while I place covers over them. I fight the urge to pee knowing it would involve putting my shoes back on and going for a walk. I fall asleep only to wake up knowing what must be done. I give in but decide to walk deep in the woods instead of using the real bathroom. Coyotes begin talking to each other which makes me freeze in fear. I hussle back into the tent and long for our sun to come back. I miss her and feel guilty for cursing her. I pray for her quick return but know I will be waiting awhile. I run my hand over cute hubbys face and smile. I know spirited toddler probally won't remember his first camping trip but I will. I squint my eyes and try to make it a memory. I lean in and kiss his lips. Soon, the sun creeps in while I lie there and try to predict how long she's been awake. I wake up and start filling the percolator. I take off my sweatshirt and glare at the sun. I wish she would of slept in like the rest of us. I decide to embrace her this morning knowing I'll be home soon.
When cute hubby and I were dating, I went to Maryland to meet his parents. I walked into his old bedroom and was in a time warp. Everything looked like he still lived there. There were comic strips taped to the wall that were yellow and curling. There were pictures of baseball players that he admired hanging on the peeling wallpaper. There were even some old toys in the closet. I was speechless. Why hadn't anyone redecoraded or made it into a guest room? His sisters room, where I stayed was similar. A poster of the gashly crumb tinies hung on the closet door. Books from high school reports filled the bookshelves. Even rainbow curtains. When we got married, I assumed they would change things because it was obvious he wasn't moving back in but it still stayed. Now when we go visit, I walk up the stairs to the creaky wooden floor dreading our room. The room he grew up in, complete with a single bed. How are we expected to sleep in the single bed? Well, his sister had a double so we go in there but it's so weird. I was discussing this with cute hubby once when he actully went into his old bedroom wanting me to follow. He reached for the top shelf in his closet and pulled out pages of magazines. They were women he used to gawk at as a child. Women in bikini's or bras usually ripped from his mothers magazines. What's even more disturbing is that they're still there. I begged him to throw them away as I backed out of the room. Making love in his sisters old room is disturbing but that headboard with smurf stickers on it is a real turn off. Needless to say, we don't visit much. I'm trying to convince his parents to get a trampoline though. You see, my parents are currently putting in a pool which seems to threaten them and their grandparent status. Of course spirited toddler may think the grandparents from Texas are cooler because they have a pool. Sensing the pressure, I suggested they had a perfect backyard for a trampoline. Now, spirited toddler has never even been on a trampoline so I did this strictly for my own fun. I grew up always wanting a trampoline so I figured now was my chance. They're considering it and now I'm considering going back to that awful room.
I'm sitting at my desk occasionally leaning over to inhale the sweet smell of roses. Cute hubby brought them to me yesterday because he knows I've been under some stress. They help. I smell them and feel calm. Over the years, we've learned what to do when the other person is stressing out. He used to think every time I was upset, it was about him. I'd tell him, I was upset about someone and he'd ask, "do you love me?" Of course, this would confuse the heck out of me. When he's stressed I back away and give him space but this always hurts his feelings. He wants to use me as a sounding board. We realized we were responding to each other the way we wanted to be handled and not the way the other needed. Now I listen and ask questions and he doesn't try to solve my problems but just lets me talk. I told him that I was sad because I wanted this black tshirt that I saw online. It said in tiny white letters, "Good Writing Is Sexy". (nerve.com) I loved it. I started thinking off how good I'd look wearing it and how I'd feel cool but then I started thinking about where I could actually wear the shirt and came up empty. In the past, I would of worn it with pride but these days the crowds I hang out with wouldn't appreciate such a shirt and may even disapprove. I used to hang out with cultured people. Well read individuals who would read at dark coffee houses and smoke at the clubs, even walk their dogs to the street fair. These days, our friends are "respectable adults" which means they've lost all desire to explore, and be creative. When I got home from Vegas, I was sporting this little tight black shirt that said, "The Strip...las vegas" in hot pink. Without thinking, I wore it to my moms group where I felt extremely uncomfortable. I was just glad I wasn't drinking from the matching coffee mug. It makes me mad that when people become parents, this consumes who they are all of a sudden. They forget to have fun and let loose. We have moms night out but this usually involves a nice restaurant where we carry purses and talk about diets. My moms night out wants to consist of a few drinks at the comedy club. Cute hubby asked if this what was really bothering me. Of course it wasn't so I told him I've been needing to be honest with my business partner about my intentions and needs but have not been wanting to do it because it made me feel inferior. Last night we laid in bed while he told me he loves me but I wasn't allowed to leave the bedroom until I called her. He brought me the phone and started reading because he knew it would take me awhile to get the courage. He'd stroke my hair and say, "you can do it cutie. You dont' have to apologize just be straight forward." "Ok, here I go." He watched as I opened up to her. "You did it!" Whew, I had really made a mountain out of this little issue and had no idea how it was physically effecting me. It went ok and I was pleased with her response. I felt like I could breathe again. I somehow had given her all of my power when she didn't even want it. Now I've taken it back and feel tall again. (If you knew what I looked like, you'd laugh at this because no one has ever thought of me as a tall woman) I hate the feeling you get when you stop doing something because of someone else. Today I feel like myself again so I may just buy the tshirt as a way of saying, "screw you, this is who I am." I think good writing is sexy so get over it.
This post may seem a little selfish so I'm warning you but I've got things that need expelling. Here it goes. In high school, my sister was on the dance team while I was in the orchestra so you can tell who was more popular. Unfortunately, after leaving college and a failed romance, my sister slowly started gaining weight so I became more popular plus I went to a differnt University which was great for me. Fast forward to 12 years later and now she's about 130 pounds heavier than I am. This naturally, has caused some concern in our family. I'm about a size 8 which means we look completely opposite. I've been known as the skinny sister for a long time now to my delight. Well, after many years of failed attempts at weight loss and after seeing her so miserable, I convinced her that she should get gastric bypass and start living her life. She considered it and this Monday she goes under the knife. Now I worry that if something goes wrong, I'll be the one to blame. Another concern is what if I now become the fat sister? That would really suck because I work my ass off at keeping fit and healthy. Plus she makes six figures and is still in her twenties so now she may be the rich and skinny sister. I'm a little angry too because she's let herself go for so long and now all it takes is a procedure to basically start her all over again. To give her another chance. I'm happy for her but now I have to admit that I'm a little anxious. We're extremely close and I'm afraid this will somehow separate us. I'm all confused now. I want to be supportive and I know this hasen't been easy for her but I want a tummy tuck damnit. Ok, maybe I'm just jealous that in a few days she'll start looking good and may get all the attention. Ya that's it, now she'll get all the attention and I won't. Oh how silly, I'm a grown woman for God's sake. Another concern is her marriage. I think this will rock her marriage but she's clueless. I told her that everything will change, the way people treat her, how much sex she'll get, her career, the way her husband looks at her, but she's convinced the only thing changing will be her stomach size. This makes me mad too because she really thinks this. I know it's not my journey but hers so I should just let it go but this is really going to change everything. I just hope and pray for the best.
I'm in a hot tub fighting the cramps. The crimson reminder that I'm a woman. A fertile woman. It's not helping so I concentrate on a book. He comes in and sits down on the toilet seat, sliding off his tie while smiling. He thanks me for the sweet note I put in his palm pilot. I thank him for the sexy email. When he's at work we still manage to flirt with each other. I hand him my book and he knows exactly what I want. I love hearing his voice. I love when he reads to me. I look at his mouth, his eyes, his moving adams apple. I want to grab him, suit and all, and put him in the tub with me. Instead, I relax and take in his soothing voice to comfort me. The chapter ends and he gets me a towel. I stand up and he covers my shoulders. I get dressed while he gets undressed. Now we're both relaxed lying on the bed. I have the paper picked apart and spread all over the bed. He shoves it to the side and we lay on our backs reading the comics. We even try to think they're funny but have no luck. He comments on his approval of my breast slightly spilling over my sides while he traces them with a finger. I grab his neck and pull him in towards my lips. Now he's on his side close to me pushing my hair back, smiling, trying to make me laugh. He hates making love this time of the month so we opt for the old standbye and materbate. We look into each others eyes with not much talking. We have our own thoughts and fantacies. Both of which make us climax. We hold off and cum together. He showers and I finish the paper. "Want some dinner?" we sit on the floor right in front of the filing cabinet that's been moved into the living room. We had decided to purge and shread. He went through it one by one, handing it to me if it need to have a trip through the shredder. The filies were thinning out which made me happy but I really just wanted to not do any work tonight. I start pouting which he always thinks is funny. I get mad at him not taking me seriously. He laughs and tackles me with hugs and kisses. I fight him off but realize I have to submit to the love for him to get off of me. I fight it for awhile and then the phone rings. I watch him talk to the other person and I smile. He looks at me and winks.
There's a few simple things that are bothering me today. First off, I noticed mold growing in my dishwasher. How can that be? It wories me that maybe there's mold being spewed in the cups and dishes. Eeww! Also, I noticed a huge dirt ring actually around my washing machine like ring around the colar but it's actually inside my washing machine. If it can't keep clean with the continual washing than how are my clothes getting clean? Last night I gave spirited toddler a bath which isn't unusual but the spiderman soap I used had a disturbing "caution" on the bottle. Wait, let me go get it. Ok, here's what it says...."Do not leave soap on top of a hot radiator. Do not submerge in water. Wash hands after use." I swear to God this is what it says. It's children's soap! Why would I have soap near a radiator? How do you wash them after you've washed them with the soap? And, how do you not get soap wet? The saddest thing that I've noticed is my lack of trash emails. I know this may sound weird but I kept getting 10 emails a day from this company. I'm not kidding, 10 separate emails. I got pissed and emailed them this..."stop fucking harassing me" except it was in all caps so they'd think I was mean. Well, they've stopped and now I miss having a mailbox that I could always count on. On a lighter note, I'm shocked to report that it is actually a small world. I just discovered that our friend "Icedish" used to live two blocks north of our house. Now he's at the southpole as you know so unfortunately I can't use him for babysitting but that would of been cool. One more thing, I just bought spirited toddler a new DVD entitled "Egg Hunt" but say egg hunt really fast and it sounds perverted. Try it. He loves it so much that he just randomly asks for it but it sounds like this when he says it....a cunt, a cunt please. As you can imagine, asking for this in public is humiliating but funny.
Before work, I have to pick up something at my partners house. While pulling up in front of the house, I see these two women that seem to be doing a weird dance. They're squating with their arms out like giving a bear a hug while scooting around the bushes. I ignore the weird women and ring the doorbell. She tells me they're trying to catch the chickens. What? She said they've been out there all morning trying to catch the 5 chickens that got loose. Seeing chickens in the neighboorhood at 8am was awfully strange but the lady standing at attention while wearing her bathrobe and carying a broom was downright funny. She was standing there with her "weapon" in case any chickens decided to come near her. Another neighbor was just outside laughing when I hear my partners son ask me, "do you have any rope so I can catch the chickens?" It's a little surreal to think that chickens running loose has finally gotten everyone out of their house and talking. I slowly back the truck out to avoid the chaos and drive to work. I'm thinking...."Gee, the truck has really bad alignment. I wonder why it's vearing to the right." In my attempt to figure it all out, I let go and watch the stearing wheel turn the car. I grab ahold and try it again. "Crap, I don't have time to get the truck fixed." I wonder if cute hubby ran over the curb or something. Maybe I ran over a chicken. "That's weird, the old lady driving next to me seems to be following me." "Hum, why is she waving her arms at me?" I try to read her lips.....YOU HAVE A FLAT TIRE! Ahh, now it makes sense. I pull over to the nearest coffee shop and make a number of calls. I'm panicing because my sign class starts in 30 minutes and I know I can't make it because I'm 15 minutes away now. I wait and wait and wait. I call again when I realize no one is coming because I have the keys to the rental car on my key chain. I suggest that he call a neighbor to come get the keys so he does. He calls the monkey baby's house (Simeon). Soon, Brice comes to pick up the keys. It's a joke in our house that I'm attracted to Brice, which I am but he talks way too much. He pulled up and offered to change the tire. As much as I wanted to see him all hot, sweaty, and dirty working on my car, I said, "no thanks, just run these back." He said no problem, and accepted the mission. Eventually the white Barbie car (rental car) came to rescue me from the sun. This event took over an hour so I was freaking out because today was the last day of classes. I was also angry because in my garage was all the camping gear ready to go in the truck to take us out of town to a relaxing weekend. Fast forward a few hours to me in the kitchen. Things have calmed down so I make blueberry scones to take to the monkey baby's family to thank them for their trouble. They're hot out of the oven so I walk over there where he says, "come on back, I'm in the back yard." Just then, I see it.......salami nipples! Ick, the man has huge salami nipples. They're not just big....they're huge. I'd call them bologne nipples but that would be just a slight exageration. I hold back a scream while I try to keep focused and look him in the eyes. He's explaining that his wife and kid are out of town so he's trying to get some work done. Seriously, I couldn't help from staring at those things. Some women I know would be proud of those nipples. Brice has officially gone down about 3 notches in my hotness book. I avert my eyes while I slowly backtrack trying not to gag when I nearly run home to tell cute hubby the news. "Oh my god honey, Brice has salami nipples" "Really? Could you see the marbelized fat?" We laugh histerically and postpone the camping trip until next weekend. I'd like to tell you my day started picking up but I also got a new kite stuck in the tree and spirited toddler threw up in the bed so I'd be lying.
I hear the birds singing while the cool air is trying to push me out of bed. I wake up wondering when the last time I woke up alone was. I estimate years and wonder how it would feel. First I pee, than turn on the shower, close the curtain and brush my teeth. My clothes make a puddle around my ankles so I step forward and into the steam. I face the showerhead and feel the water beat down on my breasts. I stand there while thoughts cloud my desire to move. I take a deep breath and open my mouth to let out a yawn. I wonder if when I'm old, I'll actually wake up without feeling so tired. I know I'm a long way from that so I just fight the pain. I turn around and lean my head back, feeling my hair get heavier as it's filling with water. I run my hands through it and feel how they get tangled up in the hair releasing itself. Like thin spaghetti wrapped around my fingers. I hold my hands up hoping the water pressure will take it away, down my back and into the drain. I feel hair stuck to my ankle and think how I hate that feeling. I replay a conversations in my head. I wonder what I'll eat for breakfast. I hope everyone sleeps in late so I can prepare for work. This is the last day of the session and I'm thankful but yet know this will be a busy day. For a moment, I thought I smelled coffee but know I must be fooling myself. I think about what I'll wear. I place my foot on the edge of the bathtub while I shave and let the conditioner sink in. Rinse but don't repeat. I wonder if I have a towel. The water is off and I squeeze out the excess from my clean hair. Pull back the curtain and step on the bathmat while leaning forward towards the towl rack. I comb my hair and start the blowdryer. The towel drops so I can heat my skin. I run it down my belly, over my thighs and on my back. My hair is dry. I lift my head up to finally see someone in the mirror. I can't see her but she has big hair. I open the cap with an "L" on it and place it in my left eye. Next, the "R". Yes, there she is. Now I see the colar bones, the sunburn, the tattoo. Sometimes even though I know it's me, I still feel like I'm having an internal conversation with a stranger. I step on something. Mr. Potato Head's ear painfully starts my day.
Everytime I woke up last night, I had been dreaming of college. This made me wonder how many times I actually dream of college without even knowing it? How many times do I have sex in my dreams? How many times and I driving in my dreams? I woke up depressed because in my dream I was trying to locate my friend. I had this best friend in college. His name was Mike. We did everything together. He used to be a private investigator on the side so sometimes we'd get food and sit in his truck while we were staking out a house. He mainly filmed insurance scams and people cheating on their spouses. We used to have so much fun laughing and filming each other while waiting for the person to appear. We'd get so excited to see a person walking, even running while the insurance company thought they were wheelchair bound. We'd sometimes go on double dates together but never being satisfied because the other person just wasn't as much fun as we were used to. After four years of strictly friendship, our curiosity got the best of us and we decided to just give in and have sex with each other. We talked about it and even planned it but it was awful. Ok, let me just start by saying I've never seen someone so well endowed. Painfully, endowed. An hour of uncomfortable silence, manuvering, and repositioning with no pleasure. Later he said he'd had this problem before and was embarassed. Afterward, we acted like nothing ever happened and just picked up the friendship from where we left off. Never mentioning our sex again. We remained friends after college with the weekly phone call and mail but the last time we saw each other was at my wedding. We have a picture of him handing me a letter. A letter I wrote to him the week after meeting cute hubby. I had forgotten all about it but I later found out he had saved everything I had written him. The letter stated that I was excited because I met someone I thought I could marry. That had broken his heart but he was happy for me. We stayed in contact for a few months after marriage but due to natural ackwardness I stopped calling and it dwindled off. I wonder why I was dreaming about him last night. Maybe he's in trouble. Maybe he gotten married. Maybe things are better left alone.
The coffee was so weak that I threw it out and started over but it didn't help the day. I always know it's a bad day when I have to page cute hubby with 911. That's the official code for come home, I'm dying here. The day started by trying to get spirited toddler to do some sort of exercise with me by bribing him but it didn't work. Finally, after about an hour of talking about how much fun it would be to go on a bike ride and wear our helmets, he agreed. Ok, we're all strapped in and off we go. I'm working up quite a sweat just when he tries to tell me he wants to go home. I encourage him to stick it out when all of a sudden this huge dog comes from nowhere and is heading right towards us. I stop the bike and he jumps on me, digging his long ass fingernails down my exposed thighs. I'm trying to protect my child so I don't feel the pain just yet. I hop back on and try to out run him. Well, I guess I was trying to out pedal him when his owner started screaming his name. I begin cursing under my breath when I see my leg. I put us back in the car and head home feeling defeated. Next, we play in the hose which is usually a very muddy but fun activity. Our backyard, like most others here, is rocks and dirt. Hard dirt that doesn't soak up water. I was knitting while spirited toddler was washing his trucks. The phone rings so I stand up, only to drop my knitting in the mud. It's completely covered. I take off my shoes, get the phone, turn around and see the kido inside, with the hose. I throw the hose out and get him in clothes for our next, cleaner activity. It was early but I was doing the countdown. "Ok, only 3 more hours until cute hubby comes home. I can do it." "Ok, good, only 2 more hours." "Fuck, I'm paging him." One of the most romantic things he's done for me lately is buy me a bed. It sounds weird but our bed was so soft and horrible that I was waking up sore and grumpy. One night he came home with a lovely new king size bed. I was so excited. Anyway, the bed actually came with directions. The directions had pictures of the proper way to flip a mattress. It talks about the importance of proper rotation for optimal comfort. Well, I just bought a new mattress cover so I decided now would be a good time to do the flip. Of course, a king size mattress is extremely heavy for someone who's as short as I am but my stuborness kicked in. The mattress went off easily and I was just starting to turn it around when all of a sudden it started teetering. The top was leaning toards me and I couldn't hold it up. It was like in slow motion.....slowly crumbling down. Pinning me underneath. I was underneath the mattress but on top of the boxsprings. First I wanted to cry but opted to take a deep breath. I pulled together my super human strength and pushed it off of me. I just left it there in disgust. Cute hubby arrived thankfully and rescued me. I'm still grumpy but he cheers me up quickly by reading some bedtime stories to spirited toddler. It's sick but he can take any kids story and turn it into something histarically sexual. He begins reading Bob The Builder. "1,2...Bob tightens the screw." "3, 4....Bob shuts the door." 5,6....you get the idea. He's asleep so we sneak out when I look out the window and notice I never turned off the hose and the backyard is completly flooded.
Last night I made wild rice with steamed asparagus topped off with fresh parmesan and lemon juice. I love how he devours my creations, how he asks if there's more to enjoy. I watch his face light up like there's an explosion going on between the lips. Off he goes again so I quickly try to clean up and get spirited toddler to bed. I've missed him and I look forward to having him all to myself. I had a stressful day so he patiently waits until I've decompressed and can love again. I listen to stories of crying in the courtroom. Stories of how he asked the perfect question when the witness was on the stand. I act like I understand the big words he's using but I'm usually confused. I find him so attractive when he talks about work. His passion comes out. We decided to go into the bedroom to watch some reality tv which I love. He's always nice enough to let me partake in this shameless pleasure. We actually get into pajamas which is rare and jump into bed. He holds me, stroking my hair. We laugh and make fun of the fools on tv. He says, "you know, lately we just fuck and I want to make love." Naturally, this suprises me but he talks about connecting emotionally and how we need to get back on the same page. I agree but I've enjoyed the past few night of fucking so I'm a little hurt. I ask him to wait because I love just talking right now. We talk about spirited toddler and how they want him to go to some smart preschool but we can't afford it. We talk about going camping this weekend and what to pack. We reminisce about our last camping trip and how we ran out of firewood and I got scared of the dark. We talk business and our next step. Talking, listening, touching, it helps us connect again on a different level. We make love while looking in each others eyes. Yes, I see what he's missed. Yesterday we committed to going to bed before midnight from now on but we've already broken the new rule. We get ready to sleep when he kept thinking of things to talk about. "Are you still awake?" I think I heard this 5 times. Everytime, I fought sleep to hear his voice again. I succomb to exhaustion in his arms. It seems like only minutes passed before I hear the alarm go off. I think I must have slept pretty good because I'm still in his arms, still content, still satisfied.
I just went outside to grab the paper when I saw the sign. SOLD. My neighbors house sold which means I don't get to tease the prospective home buyers anymore. I was having quite a fun time when they'd come visit. My office looks out the front so I see the cars pull up with their realator usually driving. Smiles of curiosity on their faces. Sometimes I'd go outside and "water the flowers" or "get something from the car" just to take a better look. I know this in nosey and rude but I really didn't want the neighborhood to become one big frat house. We live so close to the university that a lot of rich parents like buying houses for their ungrateful kids while they're in school. Personally, I prefer a professor taking residence there. You can pick your friends but you can't pick you neighbors so I tried to stear the seedy ones in another direction. Is it wrong? Once there were three college age kids checking out the backyard when spirited toddler and I were out there getting dirty with the hose. They peeked over and I said, "you can live there as long as you don't mind crying at 5am" Of course, without having kids, they didn't know what I was talking about. One group of guys smiled at me when out of nowhere, I blurted out "just to let you know, if you decide to move in, you'll be living next to the Vice President of the Homeowners Association" Scaring them with my title just made them laugh and humilated me. There also was this strange woman who looked like she had way too many cats so I pulled cute hubby into my web of deceit by making him play fight with me so she'd think...."hum, I don't want to live next to a couple who screams all the time." That one was fun but we kept laughing so I don't think it worked. She's been back twice now. One person who did look at the house was one of cute hubbys friends who I've always found attractive so I told cute hubby that if he moved in next door, we'd have to move because I couldn't be trusted. Well, I don't want to move so we discouraged him by saying the previous owner chain smoked and had prostitutes over a lot. This one did work. One day, as I was carying in groceries, my curiosity got the best of me. With spirited toddler two steps behind, I peeked through the window. Well, wouldn't you know it, a cute 20 something couple and their realator pulled up at that moment. They didn't even get out of their car. I wanted to run and say, "wait come back, I want you to move it." but I hate running. Damn, I let them get away. So now the waiting begins until moving day. On that day, I may get out a lawn chair and just watch all day.
"Don't forget to buy all the knee pads and elbow pads when you buy your rollerblades."
"No way, I don't want to look like a fool."
"Well you wear your helment when you bike ride."
"Ya but that's quite a ways to fall so that makes sense."
"Honey, promise me that you'll wear all the safety stuff when you go out."
"No way."
"You don't want to break a leg because of your pride."
"Ok, dear. Don't worry."
Of course I said this knowing full well that'd I shortly take them out for a spin without any protection. Besides, I wanted to look cool. Can you tell what's going to happen? Let's just say....at this very moment, I'm swallowing my pride. The bloody knees help.
Anyway, I'm pushing a stroller through the neighborhood just to get the feel for them. I went through an area where they're building new houses when I stop to catch my breath. I think sweet thoughts while enjoying the heat when all of a sudden, I somehow run over a rock. The rock that brought me down. It got wedged inbetween the wheels stopping them, throwing me forward. Feet stayed still, body flung forward. It wasn't good. Spirited toddler began clapping when I hear the Vietnamese man. His accent is so thick but I can tell he's concerned. He suggests I come in so he can wash my bloody knees. I quickly say I'm alright and no thank you but I appreciated the concern. He actually said, "You should wearn pads on your knees." I thought I'd cry from pain and embarassment. I picked myself up, tucked my tail in and slowly rolled home wondering how I would tell cute hubby. I decided honesty was the best policy. So I tried to come up with a good "honest" answer. Well, he knew just by the look on my face and my bandaged knee what I had done.
"Are you going to wear all the safety equipment now?"
"Maybe"
"Girl, your stubborness will kill you one day."
"Do you really think I could die from rollerblading"
"You?, yes"
Someone just recently told me she had a crush on cute hubby. Of course, I think I have painted quite a pretty picture of him in my blog lately. Someone also asked me how long I've been married. She wasn't asking this based on curiosity but in a way that suggested I was happily married because I was newly married. Some of you know, this is not the case. Believe me, cute hubby does just as many annoying things as loving things but with anoyone you love, you give them the benefit of the doubt. Here are a few things recently, that any woman would hate: "Honey, where are my keys?" "I don't know." "Would you help me find them?" "Where are the keys?" This routine occurs everytime he leaves the house. I try to ignore it but he just gets louder. "Help, I can't find my keys!" "Maybe they're on the key rack." "No, not there" There are more questions like this, "do you love me?" "yes" "Are you my girl?" "yes" "are you ok?" "yes" and this occurs in times when he's feeling insecure like when I'm in a bad mood. It's ok to be concerned but the constant reassurance gets annoying as you can imagine. The use of the microwave also leads to questioning. He trys to reheat food but gets totally confused with how long he should put the timer on. "Sweetie, how long do you put tortillas in the microwave?" "um, 30 seconds?" "hon, how long should I put this burger in the microwave?" I've tried telling him I don't know the exact times every piece of food deserves to get nuked but he doesn't believe me obviously because the questions keep coming. Wet Towels....on the bed, on the floor. This speaks for itself. He also thinks his car is a trash can which makes me so mad that I usually clean it for him so this annoying habit pays off for him. I should stop that. When we get ready for bed, he gets his feelings hurt if I get in when he's not ready yet. It takes me no time at all to jump in but he has this, floss, brush, pee routine that takes way too long. I actually stand at the side of the bed, like a dog, until he's done so we can jump in bed together. What's up with that? So you see folks, anyone can be happily married as long as you can stiffen up and take the hits. Like when you're in gym class in middle school and they tell you it's time to play dodge ball. Fear sets in but after a few hits you become a better player.
We watched "Lost in Translation" last night and then made love outside. In the rain. Never done that before but was quite enjoyable. Except we got cold. We debated on who would be the one to run naked through the house, to the bathroom, for the towels. Instead we both ran straight to the warm shower. I loved on him some more while he washed my hair. He didn't want to but I made him because having someone touch my hair can somehow be a sexual experience for me. I wanted him to shave my legs but thought that would be pressing my luck. When we get out of the shower, he goes first and gets me a towel. I turn around to dry my legs and he dries my back. I take off the towel covering him and we hug. He goes to bed and I make coffee. I work and listen to the thunder. I'm smiling while I think about how we love eachother. He took off work yesterday to be with spirited toddler on his birthday and I love him for that. This morning he asked, "will you pop this zit on my back." I tell him to ask his mother. He calls me smartass and I like that. I make breakfast when I decided to put in my contacts. There he is, trying to pop it with some sharp object while turning his back to the mirror to get a better look. I run, screaming. He chases me threatening to touch me with the scissors. Our games are crazy. Games we'd only laugh at I'm sure. I remember when we first started dating, I'd come home and he'd hide. I'd look through the house in anticipation when he'd jump out and scare me. We did this for a long time but eventually ran out of hiding places. It's still raining this morning so the coffee tastes even sweeter.
The freakin' rental car is giving me whiplash. Well, I guess it's not the car but my driving. I have driven a stick shift since I was 16 years old and this one is not a stick shift. It has cause some mental confusion. I'm still trying to put in the clutch but of course there's no clutch. As a result, the break pedal gets abused. Just for a moment, I fly forward like a crash test dummy. Embarassing to say the least but habits are hard to break. I'm usually in the car with no adults so I end up laughing to myself afterwards so I'm sure the other cars think I'm drunk. It reminds me of the cruel tricks my dad used to play. You know, where you're about to get in the car and they give it the gass. It's always funny the first couple of times but after that, you just want in the damn car. What's worse is when you see them inside the car, laughing at you. Everytime, you feel like a fool. My dad also used to pretend to call the "crazy house" and tell them he needed a pickup....ME! This stunt usually occured when I was acting silly at the dinner table or getting a little wild. This happened a lot needless to say. He'd say, "don't make me call the crazy house." I'd call his bluff and act like a child and he'd pick up the phone, dial, and tell me ..."ok, they said to just set you out by the curb." This was a cruel trick because when it got to that point, i'd cry. I'd cry based on fear. I didn't want to go to the "crazy house". I told my dad recently that he warped me by doing this and he just laughed. I guess he kept doing it because it worked. My dad would tell my sister, "ok, let's go help her pack" Of course, like any good older sister, she'd start packing. One time, my dad called a "Chinese fire drill"....(i hope this isn't offensive because I don't know why it's Chinese....maybe because they're on the ball when it comes to safety) This is where you stop the car and run around it three times. It was popular in highschool because you thought you were cool slamming on the breaks and calling "Chinese fire drill" Everyone would quickly escape the car and run around laughing in the middle of an intersection. Well, on day my parents, not knowing I had never heard of a "Chinese fire drill" called one. I panicked, thinking there was a fire. They all got out of the car and I stayed inside and cried. Hopefully, I can warp spirited toddler just as much. Two years ago this morning, I gave birth to him. Happy Birthday Kiddo! I am also sorry to report some bad news. May we have a moment of silence? Thank you. RIP goldfish.
Once you've been with someone for awhile in any relationship, you tend to get comfortable. You do things differently like walk around naked, pee with the door open, burp, fart, you know. I think it's good and bad. On one hand you're at a comfortable point but sometimes being comfortable isn't the way to move forward. I became aware of how comfortable I am with cute hubby on Tuesday. First, let me start by warning you....this post involves sex and killing. Ok, we're in the heat of passion. By this time, I had already cum so my mind was wondering. For his comfort, I was leaning over the bed, head down. I always enjoy sex with him but all of a sudden I spot a cricket. Without thinking I said, "oh stop, hold on." He of course, being a gentleman, stops, assuming I'd prefer another position. Instead, I lean over a little more and killed the cricket. Just like that. I killed the creature on the floor and resumed sexual pleasure. I guess you could say that this is what happens with married people but I like to look at it like I'm good at multitasking. All women are good at this. Unfortunately for cute hubby, it's at his expense. I didn't even think twice about it until yesterday...i was reminiscing and laughing at myself. Luckily, he's used to my craziness and embraces them fully. On a lighter note, the goldfish is alive and eating breakfast.
I woke up and went straight to the bowl. I didn't expect to see the goldfish still alive so I was pleased. I bought spirited toddler a goldfish yesterday because for his birthday we're celebrating with Elmo who has a goldfish named Dorothy so I thought it would be fun to buy him one. While I was at Petsmart, I though, wow, these would make great party favors too. Well, now I have 12 glasses filled with water and fish. You know sometimes you get that flash feeling like...."i wonder what would happen if I just drove off the bridge?" Well, this morning they all looked like lined up shots ready to be downed. I then imagined what it would feel like to just pick one up and swallow the fish whole. I could go down the whole row and swallow 12 fish. The fun in that would be to do it in front of someone admiring the fish. "Oh look, he's so cute." "Oh Ya, watch this!" "Oh my God!" Now that's a great party trick. Thank goodness, the feeling subsided. Now I can enjoy them fully. I didn't really think through this though. Now I'm afraid they'll all die before Friday. Dead fish don't make great party favors. Or worse, the kid takes it home, feeds it, and then the next day....they'll see it floating there...dead....belly up in the fish bowl. Parents will hate me. Their precious two year olds will need therapy. The one big goldfish that we bought spirited toddler does seem to be a little depressed today. He's just floating in the corner. When he was with his friends, he was much happier so I feel a little guilty. To make matters worse for him, I tap on the glass to make sure he's still breathing. I'm sure I've stressed him out. Yesterday after we picked them all up, I went for my daily jog, leaving them in the car. I could have been arrested because it was 89 degrees out but I had to seize the exercise moment so the whole time I was jogging, I was praying that the little guys would make it. The weirdest thing happened. It's baseball season around here so I passed a few Colorado Rockies fans returning from the game. Some were happy, some were holding beer cans and chairs. Anyway, this guy passed me and said, "well, that's a new way of doing it." What the hell does that mean? What was I doing? Well, aparently, I'm cleaver because I've come up with a new way of doing it. I finally see the truck before me so I picked up my pace to return to the fish. All the bags were filled with condensation. They were sweating I guess. I came home and pampered them a bit by letting them watch tv. I went into the room to shower when I could see the spots I missed with the sunscreen. My back had an outline of my sports bra and it wasn't pretty. This morning I tried to shower without getting my back under the water because the shower pressure made it sting. It's quite hard to wash your hair without getting your back wet. Countdown until in-laws arrive.....37 hours. This will be the first time we've seen them since the walking in on us having sex on the couch incident on Christmas Day. I'm sure it will be a little ackward.
I've got decisions to make. I want someone to make them for me. Indecision sits in the pit of my stomach. I want to move and start all over again. I want to quit my business and be free of stress. I know this isn't the answer but I can dream. My inlaws will be here in 3 days so I should be preparing the house but I'm too busy preparing my heart. Putting a shield around it for protection. People are making decisions that somehow involve me without considering me and this pisses me off. As you can tell, I'm much more comfortable being in charge. A power struggle. All the moms in my group are pregnant again or currently trying. I'm trying to avoid pregnancy at all costs. I don't want to have a baby because I feel pressure from everyone. It's my decision and right now I've decided to keep my body the way it is. I'd rather be a fun mom to one than a tired not quite there mom to two. Cute hubby says...."what if something happens to him?" I can't live that way, full of if's and buts. Every decision I've made has turned me in another direction. I wonder sometimes if I'm going the right way. Did God know I'd make these decisions before I made them, or do I make them while he tries to deal with what I've done? Is there really a wrong way to go? Don't they all eventually lead to God. Some roads lead to him fixing your decision and some lead to him congradulating you. Who knows. I feel like I'm often on my own and it's up to me.
After work on Saturday, I decided enough is enough and I'd pay to get my car washed. Not just a quickie but a $50 shampoo and detail. The milk, juice, goldfish, and pretzels were taking over. Now was my chance. I pulled in and waited because after three days of rain, I wasn't the only one who looked forward to leaving cleaner. When they detail you car, you get in a special lane with all the expensive cars. There were SUV's, mustangs, mercedes....basically my little old Honda Accord was the step child and I knew it. Shortly, I joined the crowd sitting on cement benches while we all watched. The guy next to me was reading the paper but his lips were moving while he read. After about thirty minutes, I go inside to buy some water and hopefully get cash back to pay for the tip. I struggled with the tip thing for awhile. I know they're working hard but I can't afford a tip after I'm spending so much on the car wash itself. I see people clutching their dollars so I feel I should join them. The young girl at the counter said I can't get cash back but could write the kid a check. I thought that was crazy. I decide against it and go back outside to see a crowd. I stand behind the line wondering what they're looking at because it's near my car. My car had been moved up to the next station. The wax station. The crowd slowly dispersed when I think, "Gee, that's odd. My car is parked at a weird angle." I'm staring at it trying to figure out what's wrong when the guy with Simonez embroidered on his shirt comes over. "Who has the Accord?" "I do. What's wrong?" I follow him closer. The the scene of the crime unfolds before my eyes. There was my clean car UNDER the red truck! The punk kid didn't know how to drive a stick when he got in to move my car up. We stood there just looking at it. I'm thinking, "How did I miss this? I was only gone for 2 minutes." It was bad. The entire front was smashed plus there was a huge truck sitting on her. The men got together and actually lifted the truck off. I knew they hated me and my old car from the minute I pulled in. I didn't belong there and they let me know it. After filling out paperwork, I informed them I would need a rental car when it was in the shop. They said no problem. The problem I have is that even though they'll pay for everything, I'm still screwed. Now I have to drop it off at the shop, wait for a rental car, blah blah blah. I never realized how much I liked that car until I had to leave her. Now I have to wait and hope she'll make it. Maybe they knew I wasn't planning on tipping.
I'm looking in the mirror while applying a fresh coat of lipstick. I look past my lips, deeper into the image of him behind me. He's putting his shirt on. He's getting ready for me, for the night we'll spend together. We don't talk as I squeeze past him to reach for my skirt. He makes faces in the mirror as he's checking himself out. He thinks he looks good and so do I. We drive downtown and parallel park. I love the way it feels to walk downtown in my heels. The sound as they hit the cracking sidewalk. He holds my hand before we cross the street. Irish music is leaking out the door. Inside, he pays while I start plotting where to sit. There's a blue leather couch for two just to the left of the stage. We're early and I like it that way. Just enough time to flirt with each other while sipping our coffee. I hate that he adds sugar and milk to his. I feel like this makes him less of a man somehow. I wish his was black like mine. I tell him I like the tiny nose ring the waitress has. He says he likes her lacy red bra that shows through her sheer shirt. We start to read the photocopied playbill...."What if you could meet your mother at about the age you are now. Would you consider her quaint, naive? Would you be appalled by her behavior? Could you be friends? Would you have tons to talk about or nothing at all? Would knowing her better help you understand yourself?" During intermission we talk about which one of the three women we think is the better actress. I notice weird things when it starts again like how their bare feet are getting dirtier as they walk across the stage. The one in the red suit has a smokers cough that exposes itself between lines. I wonder why the pretty one didn't cover up the tattoo on her neck. The lights are on as I count the people and calculate in my head the money they made tonight. We don't talk much in the car but listen to music. We go inside, pay the babysitter, check on spirited toddler, and turn out the lights. On the floor, my mind drifts. I wonder what time it is. I wonder if the smoke detector has always had that green light. I focus again while I feel his ribs. We start enjoying our lovers. The way he wraps his arms around me tightly. The way I wrap my legs around him tightly. He gets up while I lie there and listen to the song. He starts to read and I draw a bath. We can breathe again. Separately. I think our interactions throughout the day are like a storm. It's quiet but something is brewing underneath. The lightening hits and I start counting the seconds before hearing the thunder. The storm is close. It's quick. The sky lights up again. It's beautiful. It's dark now but I can still hear the rain.
For three days now, it has been raining when I awake and it lingers all day. Not only am I not used to it but confused by it. When will it stop? How do people live in Seattle without killing themselves from depression? It's not just rain but rain and cold combined. People here are also confused by it. I can tell because I occasionally saw people in shorts yesterday. It's like they can't believe it's really cold. Most of us don't even own jackets. I usually exercise outside so this is bringing me down. I got up really early this morning peeked outside and realized there was a break in the clouds. I put my shoes on and went on a walk. The gloom has stopped me from being productive somehow. Laundry is spilling over, dishwasher needs emptying, and there's too many business calls that need returning. I'm at a standstill when it comes to my business. I'm at a turning point where I need to hire people. We've gotten big and we have a waiting list but I like that. My partner and I can only do so much now. People have approached us about working with us but it's like our baby and we're afraid to let someone else take care of her. Our project is under our control which means we know what goes on at all times. Hiring people kind of opens us up for success and failure. It's a risk I'm not sure I'm willing to take yet. I know it's inevitable but giving up control will take me some time. I guess I tend to think about the type of employee I always was. I did a good job but usually hated my boss. Always gossiped. Always looked forward to getting off work. No real loyalty. Would I hire myself? Probally. Last night I had my sign language class. I teach but am taking some more advanced classes because I thought it would be fun. This class is not fun. In fact, it's quite irritating. The teacher speaks which is the worst way to learn sign language. She also gets confused with simple signs like "cow" and "orange". Last night, because it was raining, she thought we'd enjoy watching a movie. It's like when it rains, we all expect a vacation around here. Watching a movie where some kid teaches an ape how to sign "apple" is not my idea of a respectable class. The whole time I'm glaring at the big nosed teacher because she's wasting my time. I hate it when I'm thinking about what I could be doing if I wasn't here. Now I remember why I skipped so many classes in college. I just had better things to do. I quickly start planning my escape route. About 15 minutes into the movie, I get up. She looks at me and signs "toilet?" I sign, "yes" Crap, I missed the opportunity. I called home to see what the boys are doing and wished I was at home watching "Survivor". The movie drags on and I feel myself filling with resentment. I'm also filled with pain because last night cute hubby said, "I think you should wear sexier panties" so I did and now I'm constantly walking around with camel toes and a wedgie.
Now, I must say that stealing is not something I do but in a moment of weakness, the lollipop became mine. When I took spirited toddler to the dr. yesterday, I prepped him the entire time by telling him what the doctor will be doing and that afterwards he'll get a lollipop. Nothing big, just one of those dumb dumb suckers that have flavors like cotton candy or rootbeer. Our normal doctor was all booked up so they fit us in to see another doctor. After getting there, I realized it was the one I hate. In fact, I went to her once and then told here I wouldn't come to her anymore but I would only see her associate. First of all, I don't trust a person giving me advice about my kid when she doesn't even have kids. I know this might seem prejudice....because it is but she had no clue. Horrible bedside manners and she kept talking over me. Talking over means you're not listening to me. Well, she came in and asked if we had met before. I said "yes, we've seen you once before." Spirited toddler was great the entire time because he saw a lollipop in his future. He kept saying, "bye doctor, lollipop please." As we're walking out, the doctor said, "i prefer to give them stickers at this age." I said "well, I prefer not disappointing my son". She handed me the box of stickers. I was actually shocked and pissed off. The huge box of dumb dumbs were sitting on the counter right in front of me. When she turned her back, I reached in and grabbed one. I grabbed a sticker too. Spirited toddler has two ears filled with puss because of an out of control ear infection so the last thing I need is him feeling bad and crying all the way home because he didn't get his sugar on a stick. We're in the car and I look back at him. Within minutes, he's asleep and happy again holding an empty stick.
"Honey, come home so I can make love to you. I've had a long day." "Oh my god, why didn't you tell me I was on speaker phone?" I quickly realized this after hearing laughing in the background. This got him home but only minutes before he left again. Yoga class. I'm sorry, I know that most people seem to love yoga, but it's so damn slow. Why not just breathe while you're reading a book? He told me he thinks the yoga instructor is hot so this makes me hate yoga even more. It's ok if I'm attracted to other people, but not him. Yes, this is just selfish, I know. The night was good. He compliments my dinner which usually gets him out of doing the dishes. He also tells me that he thinks I'm even hotter than the day we met and that if he saw me on the street, he'd be intimidated. This makes me feel in love. By the time things settled down it was 11:00 or so. We started watching a movie instead of doing the smart thing like going to bed but we just crave any time together. All of a sudden, we hear a blood curling scream. Spirited toddler is sitting up in bed, covered in vomit. It's coming out his nose even. Projectile vomiting at it's finest. Cute hubby holds him while I change the sheets. We lay there next to him wondering what he ate while he went back to sleep. It got worse. It happened all over again except when I was holding him. It went down my back and in my hair. I quickly handed him to cute hubby who was quickly covered like me. We're all three sitting in bed covered with vomit not knowing what to do. We all hop in the shower. One's crying, one's gagging, and one's bitching about changing the sheets again. It's now 2am. Spirited toddler is feeling much better but he thinks it's morning which means he want to play. We convince him to go back to sleep around 4am but the alarm wakes me up at 6am. I take a hot bath while cute hubby brings me coffee. It's amazing, one minute I'm being romanced the next minute I'm wondering what went wrong. I'll take it all though. The good and the bad because in the end, the bad moments make the good ones even more special.
Yesterday, at 3:08pm, my watch stopped. I instantly became aware of how often I look at it during the day. Just about every hour and a half I figured which is insane. I don't usually have business meetings or important appointments but the time regulates when I eat, sleep, blog, watch tv and more. I was bound to my watch so today I'm not wearing one and it's quite freeing, yet I do feel a little discombobulated. I've done everything today by feel. I felt like eating. I felt like going outside. It kind of feels like a weekend. I've also noticed clocks all around me which is starting to piss me off. The microwave, the oven, the tv, the car, the computer. It needs to stop. Although the clock gives me things to look forward to, like cute hubby coming home and spirited toddlers nap time. Both of which I have come to love. I think this week I will try to stay focused by how I feel and not what the clock tells me. Right now I need a diet coke and some pretzels. See? It works. It's cloudy and dark out which makes me think it's later than it is so I play this weird mental game where I try to guess what time it is and then quickly take a peak at the clock to see how far off I am. I'm cheating basically. I guess this means I need to try and let go of some thing telling me what to do and when to do it. Maybe a little independence from time. I'll take back control this week. Maybe it will make me crazy. Maybe it will just make me late. Either way, it's worth a try.
It's 1am and I'm in line for a taxi. My house is only 3 miles away and I know there's a warm bed inside. I sneak in with luggage in tow and to my suprise, I see a clean house. First, I thought, "oh my god, they're dead." I open the first bedroom to see the two men I love, snoring away. I unpack slightly and wake up cute hubby with a kiss. I love kissing him while he's asleep. My hand finally gets to touch what I was longing for all weekend. You can't be in Vegas and not feel sexy and alive. He asked if I was mad he couldn't wait up. I say, "no, I love you like this, come join me in our bed." Coming home to people who miss you is a great feeling. I can't see him in the dark but feel my way through the familiar territory of love and lust. He falls asleep while I take another peek at spirited toddler. I kiss him. He starts talking in his sleep. I listen for a bit while I try to make out the mumbles. Home. For a brief moment, I miss my vacation. I open my walet to put my photo id back in and decide to count my money again. Vegas was good to me which makes me smile. I think about how we all started screaming and clapping and giggling at the sight of a slot machine that won't stop giving me pleasure. There's just something you've got to love about a city that doesn't sleep. I fit right in with my black leather boots and my pert clevage. I thought less people were smoking these days but I was wrong, they've just all moved to Vegas. Yes, all the expected questions were asked by my parents but seeing my mom belly up to the bar while I ordered her a buttery nipple made up for it. Instantly, she fell in love but was too embarassed to order them which is where I came into the picture. I wondered how much the cocktail waitresses made and I wondered how I would look in their uniforms. I've got the boobs but not the legs. Overall, I've never seen such happy people giving away their money. Myself included. Vegas smelled like alcohol, smoke, money, and sex....what's not to love?
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