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Last night I went to the bookstore to return two books my mother-in-law gave me. One is proper nutrition for your child and the other one is a journal for you to write your daily weight, what you eat each day, your amount of exercise, and your overall mood. Once you write down your weight every morning and can't figure out what goes in the exercise spot, I'll tell you what kind of mood I'll be in. The wanting to kill myself mood. I'm not willing to put myself through voluntary torture. I wanted to throw it at her and tell her that maybe next time she should just say things to my face. I got the hint. Anyway, I got an awesome book that I started reading last night. After a few chapters I started thinking about how much I'm enjoying it and who I should email to tell them to read it too. In my head I was starting a list but then I thought No...this one is too good and I want to keep it as my little secret. Why you may ask? If I tell people how much I love this book and get them to read it, they might not love it like I do which would make me sad and question my taste in books. I know it's weird but if I like something, I keep it to myself because putting it out there makes me feel vulnerable. I'm the same way with movies. If I love a movie, I watch it alone so I won't hear anyone commenting on it. It's just me with my happy thoughts and dreams. Here are some weird movies and books that I'm passionate about but won't watch them with you...so don't ask: 1. Like Water for Chocolate 2. What's eating Gilbert Grape 3. Shall We Dance? 4. Real women have curves I guess that wasn't so bad. Happy New Year! Don't drink and drive....cute hubby will get you
It's almost 3 in the afternoon and I'm having my morning coffee. To top it off, I'm munching on Wasabi Peas and now I've moved on to chocolate chips. I can't imagine why my stomach feels like it's full of burning acid. Cute hubby was not so cute last night while we were screaming at eachother. Don't worry. Spirited toddler was fast asleep. He's not so cute today. Running friend came over today so we could have a nice lunch while the kids played. It was a quick visit due to spirited toddler grabbing everything from her hands and to top it off, he picked up a toy and clocked her in the head. I wanted to crawl in my hole and die.
Cute hubby gave me another amazing night last night. I remember worrying what it I married someone who didn't like sex as much as I did. I know it's silly but I wanted to be compatible it that area. No need to worry now. Anyway, shortly afterwards we do our getting ready for bed routine. I'm taking out my contacts while trying to advert my eyes because I, like any smart girl, hate seeing a guy pee. Without thinking, I say "do you need some toilet paper?" Of course, like most men, he doesn't so he looks at me like I'm crazy. Then he says "did you already brush your teeth?" While he was asking me this he's looking at me and my foamy toothpaste filled mouth. At that point I wonder...how could we have such a connection one minute and than become blind to eachother the next?
I usually go to the next blog after I've opened one and realize they just post poems that mean something to them. Mainly because just telling me I should like the poem turns me off. Part of art I think is discovering what speaks to you. It's nice when it just makes you stop and think or even take in a deep breath. There's been this controversy over a piece of art in our city because it looks like a huge broken pipe line with liquid sewage because the tiles are a sparkly brown color. They had to put a fence around it so no one would destroy it because people thought it was a disgrace to their community. I on the other hand, could care less and thought the artist did a great job. He was smart, now everyone knows who he is. Anyway, this morning I read in the paper that they've decided to put it in the park directly across from our house. Why is it in my neighborhood? Because on the south side, that's all we can afford aparently...the thrown away art. Maybe they think that the lower income people wouldn't know what it is or that we wouldn't have the resources to do anything about it. I'm exited because we finally have art in our park and even if some people hate it, I'll look at it and remember that art is different for everyone. On a lighter note....the in-laws have left the building.
All day yesterday I couldn't wait for some alone time. Everyone was napping so I went to buy a 44oz diet coke, junior mints and an US Weekly. I prepared a hot bath complete with bubbles of course. About 5 minutes of sliding in, I started thinking of other things I wanted to do so I didn't really allow myself to relax. I usually want to be left alone but then I feel like I'm missing out on some kind of fun. Having people in the house has given me a good chance to look at myself. I realize how different cute hubby and I are raising our spirited toddler compared to his sisters kid. We've had no outside influences trying to "help" us. Her son calls her mom and the grandma mom which means he really doesn't have the bond like spirited toddler and I do and that makes me sad for him. Today cute hubby rounded everyone up and took us to a political campaign that I actually had fun at. Watching him enjoy himself makes me happy. The funny thing is I couldn't get everyone to go see Christmas lights on Christmas Day but they all hopped in the car to hopefully see a glimpse of Wesley Clark. My in-laws are odd folks. They come all this way to see us but spend more time at the hotel swimming pool than with us. They tend to show up at meal time. Moving them from one activity from the next is like hearding cats....it just gets you more frustrated and it's really pointless. I don't know why I even try to get them to do things when they're just as happy as can be sitting on my couch doing the NY Times crossword puzzle. I have a confession to make because if I don't bring light to it, I can never change. We (everyone minus in-laws) stayed up until 1am plaing the Friends trivia game and enjoyed every minute of it.
So I think I enjoy looking forward to the events in my life more than the actual events. Planning to enjoy Christmas was awesome but it came and went so fast. I was looking forward to eating awesome buffet at expensive hotel for dinner and it was awesome but it made me sad when it was over. So I looked forward to our guests staying at the hotel for awhile while cute hubby and I got some alone time but as we were enjoying our Christmas on the couch they tried to open the front door but it was bolted shut. We ran around trying to find clothes before they came in the back door. They got bored and wanted to come back over. Damn them ruining good Christmas sex. I guess I can look forward to finishing tonight. I guess my point is....I always need something to look forward to. I enjoy the excitement of something to come.
I remember lying in bed as a kid feeling like I'd throw up due to holding my bladder all night. Holding it and risk peeing in bed was better than taking my chances at running across the hall to use the bathroom because of my fear of the stranger in my house called Santa. Then I wondered why my parents would still sign the presents from:Santa even when we were in high school. Now, I've become the Santa in our house. Believe it or not, this job is the coolest. Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done but it pays off everyday. Seeing spirited toddler full of joy makes my heart sing. As a parent I feel fully responsible for making spirited toddler enjoy everyday. I believe I've done it! He doesn't need a blanket or a thumb to suck but he's got the coolest guitar that he carries and plays everywhere. Today he got a drumb set that rocks! The gift of music is perfect for his wired brain. To make it even better, he got a keyboard with microphone. Hearing him play and sing and dance is Gods way of showing me I'm doing what I was meant to do. Enjoy every minute of my life.
So the house is full which means the excitement of Christmas is here. Relatives in town means extra people to watch spirited toddler which means cute hubby and I get alone time. Just knowing that we have to be quite while having sex tonight gets us even hotter. This is the one and only reason to allow them to come. Not to enjoy the holidays with us but to spice up our sex life. I like giving cute hubby wet sloppy kiss in front of his mom just to watch her reaction. I'm such a good daughter-in-law.
Having expections is setting myself up for resentments. Does this mean I shouldn't expect anything from anyone and I won't get hurt? My in-laws are coming tomorrow and I'm still resentful for some things that they've said and done mainly because it's not the way my parents would of reacted. I don't think they have any idea how hard I work when they visit. I was up until 3am last night because I couldn't sleep. I guess it's stress. This happens when it seems like my brain just won't shut down and keeps going and going. I try to lie there and wait hoping it will pass. I think I finally just drifted to sleep when I was in the comfort of cute hubby's arms. The funny thing is,when I can't sleep, I always wake him up just to tell him. "Pss, honey, guess what? I'm not asleep yet" I'm not sure what I'm expecting him to say to me but if he did this to me I'm sure I'd be pissed.
I have this bad habit of letting people borrow things and then obsessing about when they'll return them. Everytime I open my mouth I'm saying "whould you like to borrow it?" For instance, I let abnormally large breasted friend borrow 2 books one week ago and I already asked her if she was done with them. She of course looked at me like I was crazy. The worst part is she said "no, I haven't even started reading them." Doesn't she know I'm waiting to put it back on my dusty shelf? Once I had this idea that cute hubby and I should swap movies with friends of ours so we wouldn't have to spend more money late rental fees. Sounds like a good idea but that was 1 month ago and I still have his stupid movie (The Professional) while he has one of my favorites (The Good Girl) I keep calling him so we can do the exchange.. kind of like a drug deal but he's always working. He can't be watching it still so why won't he return it? You would think I'd just stop loaning things out but I can't seem to stop. The hard part is keeping an inventory in my head. Maybe it's a little obsessive compulsive but I just like having my things. I loaned my friend a pregnancy book and she returned it after her baby was 3 months old. Damn her. I've got a video of hers that I'm just going to keep for a really long time. We'll see how she likes that! The sad thing is....I bet she won't even miss it.
Last night cute hubby and I listened to Celtic Christmas music and really got in the mood. Unfortunately, not in the Christmas mood if you know what I mean. Note to self....don't have sex whith cute hubby when you have the flu. It's not worth it. Trying to make out without kissing due to cute hubby not wanting to get the flu should have been a warning sign to stop right there. The big question was who would be on top. I sure didn't want to be because I was afraid I would vomit and he didn't want to be because of broken foot and large cast. Anyway, it was a quickie. Afterward cute hubby said "I think I'd look really cool with a cane. Don't you think?" This wasn't the ususal postcoital conversation I was used to. Cute hubby was seriously talking me into spending my Saturday afternoon shopping for canes because he was sick of crutches. I kept laughing histerically while picturing him with one of those old lady canes with the four prongs at the end. That's just funny. He said he could get a cool one from an estate sale. This didn't make any sense to me at midnight. Any kind of cane would be funny but for some reason getting from a dead person would be cooler to him? I said maybe we could get you a rain stick which are very popular with the tourists here in the southwest. Then everytime you walked to me I would be comforted by the sound of rain. Oh the smell of love....or is it rain?
I remember thinking how cool I would look when I started to get grey hairs because it would look great mixed in with my jet black hair. I was wrong. Today I found one. I wasn't suprised by finding one but shocked by how long it was. It must have been growing for a long time without me noticing. I went back and forth on if I should pull it out but then I decided to keep it as a badge of honor. It flustered me so much that I just turned away and started brushing my teeth. At that moment I realized my toothbrush was already wet. Oh my gosh, cute hubby used my toothbrush again. This totally grosses me out. Why does he sometimes do this? I decided to wash away my moring blues with coffee. Yes, coffee always does the trick. My coffee was awful. Why you ask? I had brushed my teeth before my morning coffee! Damnit what have I done to deserve this! Believe it or not, my day got better because I went to the zoo with big breasted friend and I avoided the full frontal goodbye hug. Yes! I finally beat her.
Cute hubby and I had a fight yesterday. I was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed with everything... (messy house, spirited toddler, in-laws coming soon) I had a migraine when I picked him up from work where at that time I informed him he was in charge because I'm going to bed. This didn't sit so well with him. For some reason when I don't feel well he thinks I'm mad at him. This confuses me everytime. As you can imagine the dialogue went something like this..."no, I'm not mad at you. What's really wrong? I have a headache due to a long day and I'm going to bed. Are you mad at me?" Of course going on like this made me quite angry. Miscommunication lead me to more exhaustion. I have this problem with needing to finish every project I start before bed so I won't have to do it tomorrow. I don't know why I can't just let it go and leave it for tomorrow. I just work myself into a mess when there's no need because it really gets me nowhere. It's like when you're getting so pissed at the slow driver in front of you who's enjoying their drive obviously because they're in no hurry like you. Your anger makes you pass them and you think, finally, now I'm going somewhere. But then, you stop at the light and they pull up next to you. We both ended up at the light except they're still in a good mood enjoying their day.
Two days ago a woman came knocking at my door selling her tamales. She didn't speak any english so for some reason I thought the tamales must be really good then. I decided to buy some from her eventhough I wasn't sure if I'd actually eat them because I truly didn't know where they came from. My curiosity got the best of me and they were last nights dinner. They were awesome but now I can't get more unless she just happens to stop by again. UPS man delivered package and I got all excited hoping it was her. For some odd reason I was proud of myself for supporting this local woman during the Christmas season. It was the least I could do since I keep passing by the bell ringers everytime I shop. I acknowledge them as I pass but I never give them money becuse they always look so bad. It's like they went searching the streets for the worst looking people and put them in santa hats and gave them the bell. Is it supposed to make me feel compassion for them, therefore I should give? It makes me think they're going to take my quarters and buy something to support their bad habbits. For now I'll support my tamale lady.
Due to cute hubbys broken foot and two cars with a stick shift, I've been picking him up from work at night. While I was looking in my rearview mirror in hopes to see him hobble around the corner towards my car, I was remembering 5 years ago when we were dating. I'd meet him at work and I'd follow him in my car to his apartment. I remember thinking how hot he was and rebelious. He'd drive crazy with his cigarette out the window and his sleeves rolled up after a long day at a pointless going nowhere job. We'd pull up to a red light and I could see his eyes in his rearview mirror looking back at me while he waved and I'd blow him a kiss. Those days are long gone and thankfully he's cigarette free with a great job but still drives horribly. Anyway, I was thinking back then I would have gotten out of my car and run up to him with a kiss to tell him how much I missed him. I thought how sad that only 5 years later I'm just sitting in my car angry that I'd been sitting there too long so I jumpped out of my car ran up to him and planted one on him. I'm not sure if I did it for him or me but it felt good. While I was waiting in the car, I could see this homeless man in a wheelchair who seemed to be waving me down so I tried hard to advert my eyes. When he just kept doing it, I looked at him and realized he was exercising. I guess the homeless need their exercise too. Weird neighbor visited me today and told me she's got some kind of virus on her computer because everytime she's on it, porn advertisements keep popping up. It took all the strength I had not to laugh because she obviously has no idea tha fat husbands been lookingup porn. I said Hummm...maybe your husband can fix it.
so picture this....I'm at the postoffice fully aware that I'll be standing in line for like maybe an hour due to X-mas. Anyway, I get out of my car with baby on one hip and balancing two large packages on the other while trying to move hair so I can see over the packages because as my husband pointed out in his blog, I'm not blessed with height. Anyway, I'm walking slow due to obvious overload while two capable men pass by me. Why does this make me mad? Because if you were a real man, you'd offer to help. Shame on you little men. Instead a nice woman who could obviously see the distress in my eyes came up to me and carried my packages in. She also made the men look bad by saying "too bad there's not a real man around to help us!" Now all I need is someone to offer to do my dishes and clean out my car. Then I'll be happy.
Cute hubby gave me an amazing night last night. TR (son) finally slept better which means I slept better too. The best part? I took a shower this morning with the door closed. No one was up yet so I got to enjoy a hot shower without anyone coming in and bothering me. I guess it's the simple things that make me happy. My morning coffee is kicking in....yeah Tuesday.
Oh crap, FedEx just delivered a package from friend who I did not send a Christmas gift to. I'll add that to my list of things to buy with money I don't have. The package looked beautiful from a jeweler I recognized. Guess cwhat's in it? A sterling silver donkey ornament. Don't get me wrong...I love a good piece of ass (sorry, it was too easy) Why not baby Jesus or a snowflake? Oh yeah, last year she sent me a snowflake. She's engaged to someone famous so maybe someone else did it for her and she just signed the card. Yes, let's blame it on her secretary. Maybe I'll regift it to weird neighbor across the street. She called this morning so that means my cookies didn't kill her or even make her sick. maybe next time. Today my moms group had a Christmas party. It was fun but that stay at home dad came. My group is called Tucson Moms! I'm sorry but he just doesn't fit in especially when we're talking about breastfeeding. Why does he keep coming? There's no way he can actually enjoy being with us because no one really talks to him. Maybe because he's the first "mom" to come with a bad combover.
A guy from newspaper came to interview me yesterday about my new business. Our class was offered free to the public so hopefully they would enjoy it and sign up. Of course I needed a lot of my friends to show up just in case no one else did. Well, my poiint is....I invited weird neighbor. She often shows up at my doorstep lonely and needing another mother to talk to. I'm always available to her so you would think she would extend the favor and show up at my class but Noooooo. Yes I'm resentful and angry. Why you ask? This is like the 6th thing I've invited her to. She cries because she's lonely but yet she chooses never to do anything with another human being. I don't understand. The worst part is, when I called her to invite her she didn't even act like she was writing the directions down she just listened. Maybe it's a religion thing. She's at church a lot. Maybe she's an abused wife. I don't care but why do I keep inviting her? Maybe I'm hoping to just break her down. If you invite me over and over again I'll eventually say yes. Not because I want to but out of sheer guilt. Isn't everyone like this? Why isn't she? I baked cookies today and I was going to go over and give her some as a way in and then confront her. Meaning I'd ask her why she's so weird. After going over there her fat husband answered the door. I hope she's allergic to nuts!
It was brought to my attention that if I keep calling sexy husband sexy, that anyone who wants to read a perverted blog by putting in the word sex would be routed towards my blog just for using the word sexy. Let it be known that my husband is still sexy but I will refer to him as cute hubby as to frighten the pervs away from my usually innocent blogging. I stayed up too late last night and I blame it all on Netflix. Don't get me wrong I love having movies delivered but it puts so much pressure on you when 3 movies are just lying around waiting to be watched and you know the faster you watch and return them, the faster you get more. Damn netflix...I want to sleep. Right now I'm watching Miracle on 34th street because a long time ago I thought it would be fun to enjoy the black and white version while putting up the christmas tree. I don't really want to watch it but it came in the mail so I must. Maybe I just like seeing the red envelopes in my mailbox and knowing that they gave me what I wanted. I guess you could say it makes me feel powerful. Just like the library. I'm in love with the library right now. I may not have any desire to read a book about the civil war but at anytime I could just take it home with me. I often check out 6-7 books and get all excited about sitting by the fire with some warm coffee and snuggle up to a good book but to tell you the truth, I usually only read one and I dont' even have a fireplace. But if I wanted to read them all I could. But why won't they let you have the magazines! My Christmas lights are still dangling and cute hubby is still useless due to broken foot and huge cast. I'm sick of picking up one shoe. Why? Because he only wears one right now which means I have one shoe of every kind all over my house. When cute hubby and baby went to sleep last night I picked them all up which made me grumpy and bitter and in my head was the mean dialogue I was planning to wake cute hubby up with but before I stormed in the room, I made some water. At that time I thought isn't it nice that I never fill the water pitcher up and he never gets mad at me. I even put it back in the fridge empty due to my laziness. I guess marrieage is all about letting things go. I must say watching Christmas movies when it's sunny and 73 degrees out seems weird. I guess I should be used to it by now seeing as how I live in Arizona but sometimes I still actually expect the weatherman to say it will snow.
My goal this weekend? Take down the Christmas lights that have caused us nothing but failure, sadness, and broken limbs. Yes, my husband fell off the ladder putting them up which I have not finished since he came home from the hospital with a cast. Actually our neighbor came over to try to fix them but I've actually done the worst thing ever...I put them up backwards. I have two female ends togher which means they don't work. Everyday I pull into the drive way, I want to reach up, grab the damn dangling lights and rip them off the roof. I wonder what my neighbors think. Maybe they think we're lazy or that in some weird way, we like them hanging. My sexy husband has been reading me his blog when he writes another entry which has been driving me crazy. He wants to be so creative, funny, and deep at the same time which causes him to write what he thinks people want to hear. Finally, he's writing like himself again which makes me smile. Yesterday when he went to work for the first time with broken foot, I read his blog and loved it. I guess what annoyed me was the voice he used when he was reading it out loud to me. With my own voice in my head reading it I loved it and laughed out loud. Today I had a lunch date with a friend but for some reason it was ackward this time. Before her and kid came,I put out two highchairs outside around the table I wanted to sit at becuse eating outside with 2 kids is much less stressful than inside with judging eyes the minute your kid drops any food on the floor. Anyway, she said "No,let's eat inside." What? I've already made the decision and outside is better. There was no discussion. I just followed her inside to eat. What happened to me? I take pride in not letting someone push me around. All of a sudden I was not happy so while we were eating, I decided to critique her parenting and laugh at her sexless marriage. It's amazing I can be so rude while smiling at you. My husband would agree. Luckily he knows not to take me seriously most of the time. My friend and I have gotten into this uncomfortable (for me at least) routine of saying goodbye. She hugs me. Yes, just like we're sorority sisters. It drives me nuts. Today I had a kid on one hip and an arm full of books and she still went in for the full frontal hug. It's got to stop. I'm still laughing about Wednesday night. I don't know which is sadder (is that a word?) that I actually watched Trist and Ryans wedding on TV or that I snapped at sexy husband for interupting me during it or that I dont' have cable so I'm forced to watch such crap. Besides, she's had her 3 minutes of fame....move on Trista, I'm sick of you and your pink. A Christmas package came from weird anorexic (not that that has anything to do with it) aunt and it's taking all the strength I've got to not open it yet. The weird thing is, she gives the worst gifts so why do I even care what's in it? Maybe that's it. Sexy husband told me to wait which makes me want to open it even more. In case you're wondering, I'm also the worst person to tell a secret too. There's a blog sexy husband and I read together and I can't seem to get it out of my mind. Sometimes I try to picture the girl writing it and wonder what she looks like. I also have a mental image of her and male roommate sitting on a dirty couch in Chicago. I don't know why her life seems interesting but I wonder who else reads her blog and if they enjoy it as much as we do. Maybe because she's so different but I think we're around the same age. She seems to still be living the college life even though she's out of college. Maybe because I loved that time in my life so much. Still to this day, I think about college way too much. When I'm stressed out I picute myself still feeling like I did in college and that seems to do the trick. I've talked to sexy husband about this and he doesn't think its weird but I'm afraid I just need to move on. I guess in some weird way, I get sad thinking my days of drinking, sleeping around, not studying and wasting my parents money are long gone. Now I've actually got real responsibilities.
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